Dear Mr. Squarepants,

Can I call you SpongeBob? Or even Bob? I feel like we're close enough to be on a first name basis. I mean, I've spent hours upon hours watching you on TV.

I sleep with you every night.

















I wake up to your beautiful singing voice every morning (or used to, until I got a "big girl" alarm clock..)























But, SpongeBob, I have a complaint. I wanted to relax the other night, and was really looking forward to a nice, hot, bubble bath. I poured some of your Bikini Bottom bubble bath into the tub, sank into the water, and gagged. WHY, oh why, SpongeBob, does your bubble bath smell like wet dog? The Incredibles have bubble bath that smells like fruit punch. It's nice. Barbie has bubble bath that smells like bubble gum. A little sweet, but still better than wet dog.

I'm disappointed, SpongeBob. I was looking forward to our bath, and now we won't ever have another bubble bath together. Unless, of course, you make your bubble bath smell better.