Now is not the time...really.

Since Maeve was born something has been in the back of my mind, nagging me. I've been able to push it away, block it out...until last night. I stopped by to drop off some groceries and Maeve had just eatten. Lisa held her out to me and she was so small and squishy (Maeve, not Lisa) and she smelled so good. I wasn't planning on holding Maeve, I was just going to drop of the groceries and leave so Mike and Lisa could have some time with their baby, so I wasn't prepared and I hadn't really protected myself against the nag in the back of my mind...it came right up to the front and it's been there since. I want a baby.

Now, I know I don't REALLY want a baby. I mean, I like to sleep. And I don't really like to clean up poop. And I'm in school. And I have about 13 3/4 years of school left. And I have a hard time remembering to bathe myself every day. And I live in the ghetto. Where I don't like to let my dog outside alone. Unless, of course, the boys from my block are outside to watch him. But I don't think I could just be like, "Hey, Joey, can you make sure the baby doesn't crawl out of the backyard under the fence while I go inside to write in my blog and watch my stories on TV?" And I've heard Leah and Esther and Lisa talking and childbirth? Not so beautiful. You have to be really ready for that.

So, no, I don't think I really want a baby right now. I'm going to blame this craziness baby-wanting on the fact that all the parents I know (my parents, Leah and Scott, Esther and John, and now Mike and Lisa) who I've actually spent time with close up, make it seem so easy. If they weren't all such good parents, I wouldn't want a baby. I think I'll go be an aunt for a while, since I have the cutest nieces and nephews ever.